My DID Explained

[Bluerose]

DID Explained

As I understanding it, it has more to do with a fragmented personality or psyche. It seems when very young and unable to understand or deal with certain emotions (or be too afraid to show or express them) the child will push them away, do this often enough and these emotions seem to take on a life of their own. The growing child can usually mange things quite well, some may see the other parts as imaginary friends.

But, as I found when reaching adulthood, it turns into something less pleasant and becomes less manageable. For example 'one part' took on the roll of anger and, for me in my twenties, she was the most difficult to deal with. And another took on the roll of sadness, she was depressed and suicidal.

I do not believe it is possible to remove them. My understanding is that the best course of action is to accept what is going on, stay calm, gain more information, and work at 'getting along' through communication, negotiation and compromise.

I worked to ignore what was going on for such a long time and I paid dearly - with real time and energy.

I also found that acknowledging them instead of trying to ignore them made life easier. This wasn't an overnight miracle cure, it took many years to come to this understanding.

The process went something like this - In my twenties, married five years with two little boys, I became aware that something 'strange' was going. I didn't have the courage to ask anyone about it. I told myself that it was just my imagination and worked to ignore it. Was 'pestered' by 'it' on and off for another few years.

Read about MPD (it hadn't been reclassified to DID yet). Read about acknowledging 'them', and communicating with 'them', and thanking them for taking care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. Tried this out and it seems to have helped. Realised that I had given them names and then read that that wasn't such a good idea as it lent more substance to 'them'. So I stopped using names.

Not the ideal way to go but it was all I had at the time. Gradually over time, even before I was officially diagnosed, I had it sorted. Today, we mostly get along quietly, I have my 'mood swings' but I just go with it and try not to **** anyone off too much.

I continue to acknowledge 'them', as in expressing appreciation and love for myself - my whole-self.

The 'merging' is called integration. And yes it is the best way to go. I wouldn't have said that ten or even five years ago because there was a need, I needed 'them', and it would have been like cutting off my right arm. But with time and understanding I can see now that it is the best way to go and it's what I have been working towards. But I don't believe 'it' ever goes away, it just gets quieter. Any pressure or stress around and 'their' presence is felt.